We’ll Always Have Paris

Paris.

Perhaps the most romantic, iconic, enticing city in all of Europe.

For our last trip of the semester, we took ourselves to this magical place. Paris is just about three and a half hours away from Lausanne, making it easy to get there and maximize our time. With only three days, we knew it would be impossible to see it all,  but I will be returning with my mom and my aunt after New Years, so I didn’t feel rushed to get everything done.

We spent Friday in Disneyland. We went some of students from the London program, and it was nice to see different yet familiar faces. Hearing their stories and sharing our own made me grateful for Pepperdine and the opportunities it gives us. We got to Disneyland, and it was already decorated for Christmas. The lines were short, so we never had to wait longer than twenty minutes. It was set up the same way, with the different lands and themes, and some of the rides had the same names too. Paris embraces roller coasters and thrills a little more, which was fun. It felt like a little piece of home, a little reminder of the things we love. We ran around all day, and loved every minute of it.

That night, all the Pepperdine kids that were in Paris met up to go see the Eiffel Tower. We got off the Metro, and there it was, all lit up against the dark night sky. It took my breath away, to see it in person. It got bigger as we got closer, and I found myself looking straight up to find the top. We got some crepes and walked over the park behind it. Hundreds of pictures were taken, with different combinations of friends, different angles, all with smiling faces. The Eiffel Tower sparkled for five minutes every hour on the hour, and we all stopped what we were doing to just stare at it, and revel at the fact that we were in Paris.

The next day, we went to the Christmas Markets near the Champs-Elysee. Christmas Markets are quite the things in Europe. It’s like the Saturday market, but Christmas-themed. We wandered up and down the street, finding little souvenirs, and tasting the hot wine and roasted chestnuts. We saw some other famous sights that afternoon, like Notre Dame and the Arc de Triomphe, and went to the Louvre the next morning. Everything was so grand, and I know I say this about every city I go to, but it just keeps surprising me: every thing I’ve seen in pictures or movies has been put right in front of me, and it’s all so much better in person.

Finals start on Monday, and in just eleven days, winter break will commence. I will be staying in Europe for that month, which just recently I became very excited about. It’s been a wild three months, and yes, I miss home. It’s hard not to, when it’s all I’ve ever known, and it’s been so good to me. But I have the opportunity to see new places, and spend Christmas in Europe. I am fortunate enough to have friends and family that can come visit me, and I’m so excited for them to experience this adventure with me. Home will still be there when I go back in five months, but for now, I truly believe this is where I need to be. I can’t guarantee that I will be able to document all my travels considering I will be living out of a backpack and duffel bag for four weeks, and my laptop will not be coming with me, but I’m sure the stories will be shared in one way or another. Until then, wish me luck on these upcoming tests, and stay tuned for the next steps I take in my journey.

Roma in the Rain

We reached the point in the semester for our long weekend. Five days to get as far away as we could from Lausanne. We decided to journey to Rome, which seemed meek compared to where other students were headed. Hungary, Ireland, Greece, and Iceland made Italy look like an easy journey. I brushed it off and tried to get excited for our trip. I had done the planning, as usual, and everything was so simple on paper. The puzzle was going to come together nicely, and I was proud of myself for getting everything all worked out so quickly. Having just returned from a lengthy trip, we were exhausted of being on a train, and assignments were looming over us like the rain clouds that we were going to find in Rome. I did my best to keep spirits high as we got on our first train to Milan. We were faced with the biggest challenge of the trip on the first night. Our train trip required a change in Milan, but not just from one platform to another. We were going to have forty minutes to get from one train station to another a mile across town. It would have been fine. We would have made it. But our train arrived in Milano Centrale thirty minutes late. I looked at my watch and saw that we had seventeen minutes to make the change. I was so anxious, but swallowed my fear as the doors opened and we began to run. We exited the station and ran right into the stormy night. My shoes had holes in them, and were quickly filled with water. I was frantically reading the map on my phone as we searched for street signs. We alternated between jogging, speed-walking, and sprinting. Finally, the sign for Milano Porta Garibaldi appeared, and a spark of hope ignited. Could this actually work? I couldn’t breathe (running is something I save for emergencies only) but I pushed myself to go as fast as I could to get to the station. We stumbled indoors and looked up at the departure list, only to see our train wasn’t listed. We were five minutes too late.

My heart dropped as I regained my breath and took in the situation. We had missed our reserved train, and were soaking wet, without a backup plan. I was so mad at myself for not coming up with an alternative. We had never been on a late train before, so I didn’t even think we would be in this position. I did know that most trains departed from Milano Centrale, so we headed back. The rain had stopped, and I walked in front of my friends so they wouldn’t see how upset I was. They said they didn’t blame me, that it wasn’t my fault the train was late, but I blamed myself. The next train to Roma Termini was at 6am. It was midnight. I knew we wouldn’t be able to stay up all night. We went into the lower level of the train station where the marble floor wasn’t quite as freezing as the top. We curled up by a closed cafe, and took turns watching each other and our stuff. I could see the misery in my friends’ faces, and I felt like it was all my fault. I apologized as much as I could, but it wouldn’t fix the problem. I shivered all night, worried I might never stop shaking. The stress from all of this made my stomach twist and turn, but I suppressed every feeling of my own in order to keep things going. I tried my hardest to be strong and focused, otherwise the stress between the three of us would elevate. Morning came, and we made new reservations to Rome. Getting on that train was such a relief. We sat patiently in our chairs, and although we were starving and sick and tired, we stuck it out until we got there.

We arrived in Rome, but I couldn’t process anything. We walked just half a mile to our AirBnB, which felt like longer as my backpack weighed me down, and my body ached from everything I had put it through the night before. It was nice to be in an apartment by ourselves though, and to have clean towels and bathrooms and privacy. We were given a WiFi password, and naturally got out our phones to reconnect with the world. I opened up my Settings, only to see that the network didn’t appear. As my friends typed in the password, I just stared at my phone as I walked around the room and hallways, hoping for a signal. But none came. I sat on the bed while my friends sat by the door, busy typing away to their family. I wanted to talk to someone too. I wanted to tell someone what happened to us, and to receive some sort of comfort in the form of words from someone who loved me. But it seemed as though that wouldn’t be possible. My friends dealt with their pains, and I dealt with mine. I tried to act like I was okay, but didn’t really care if I fooled them or not. We finished the night with pizza and gelato, because we weren’t really sure what else to do.

The next day, after much needed sleep in a real bed, we got up and decided to take on the city. We made a plan to go to the Vatican and see what it had to offer. I could sense a difference in myself and my friends, although we were still apprehensive about the whole situation. We figured out the metro and headed out. The Vatican was really interesting to see. We wandered through the museums, and I tried to absorb all the history and art and sensory stimulation as possible. We stood in the Sistine Chapel, surrounded by other tourists, and stared up at the ceiling. It’s hard sometimes to process everything I see, and to comprehend that people were in this same exact spot thousands of years ago.

We left the Vatican and, since we were in Italy, got pasta and gelato for lunch. The skies had darkened tremendously, so we decided to make our way back to the metro. Lightening flashed, and all of a sudden, rain poured down on us. We started running, and I felt the rain sting me. I realized it wasn’t rain anymore, but hail. We ducked into a store to wait it out, but it was clear that the rain would not subside. We were drenched completely, but we kind of had to smile about it. We were caught in the rain, in Rome of all places. Water dries, and problems get solved. Things may not go as planned, but that doesn’t mean it will be all bad.

We continued our time in Rome doing touristy things, which is unavoidable in a city like this one. We went to the Pantheon, and as I stood there, staring up at the ceiling again, I said to Bri, “I remember studying this in 10th grade Art History, and now I’m actually here.” I can remember my teacher explaining how the roof had a hole but no rain ever got in, and being tested on it and learning all these things about history and art. Those things are my life now, and that’s so crazy to me. I’m in the real-life version of a textbook.

After a couple more meals of carbs and gelato, it was time for us to leave Rome. We got on another train that was late, and headed towards Riomaggiore of the Cinque Terre. We only had one night there, but it was worth the stop. The Italian Riviera is absolutely breathtaking, and it’s something I’ve wanted to see for a long time. Since most restaurants close during the off-season, we bought some pasta and locally-made pesto and cooked in our apartment.

We headed home the next day. Our trip home was lengthy, but it went by fast, and we were so relieved to board a Swiss train for our final leg of the journey. Although this weekend was no vacation, it was an experience I am grateful for. It tested us in ways I didn’t think and didn’t want to be tested in, but we survived. The lowest moments on this trip has their opposites, and there were plenty of smiles and laughs with my best friends to keep me going. Expecting the unexpected can be a good idea, and I have learned the value of having a plan B. Despite it all, we made it through yet another weekend, and after a week of rest, I think I’ll be ready for more.

Twenty

I didn’t blow out any candles on my twentieth birthday.

I didn’t make a wish, I didn’t listen to people sing me a song in terrible tune. I didn’t really do much at all. It was a low-key night. Which is fine, I’ve never really needed extravagance on my birthday, it’s honestly just another day. But on this day, I turned twenty. Two decades of life have passed me by, and here I am, with what to show for it? I certainly am not the girl I thought I’d be, and I’m not really sure who I am going to become.

What’s made me the most anxious about this birthday was not the number itself (although, I am halfway to forty), but more so what comes next. In just a couple years, I will graduate college. In a few more, I’ll need to have a career, and build a life, and make a bunch of decisions that I can’t even begin to think about right now. All of this is so close, and yet I feel ready for none of it. It’s a little ridiculous to fear the future, but I can’t but wonder what will happen. No matter how hard I try, I keep thinking about everything that has happened in my life so far, and compare it to what might happen down the road. Will I spend my life alone, or will I share it with someone? Will I get good enough grades to get into graduate school, or will I forego that route altogether? Will I live in California, or return home, or settle somewhere completely new? None of these questions pertain to my life right now, but I can’t help but concern myself with it. I only get one chance to live, and I hate the fact that I’ve already built up some regrets. Adding more to that pile would seem to mean that I learned nothing from my past.

All of these worries have been laid on top of the current stress of just being here and being lonely and scared. We are dealt so much, and it seems like it’s impossible to handle it. Like all of these difficult things will come our way and life can be so hard and unmanageable. There have been many times where I’ve questioned if I’ll make it through successfully, if even safe and still breathing. My mom likes to tell me that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, so I looked up where it says that in the Bible:

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

-1 Corinthians 10:13

I read that and felt comforted. It hasn’t always been easy or natural for me to put my trust in God, mainly because I have a hard enough time trusting tangible people that surrendering to something I can’t see doesn’t feel real. But I can look back on my life and clearly see where God has helped me and guided me, right to where I am now. That verse doesn’t mean to say that bad things won’t happen or that we won’t make mistakes, but that despite all of the imperfections on Earth, God will stay by us and pick us up when we fall. If we put our trust in Him, then we will have way to get through the hard times. In Him is the way to handle everything, and with His love and strength we can bear what life throws at us. Heading into my twenties, I need to remember this more than ever. I believe it to be true, and somehow reading that makes me feel more secure about the time ahead of me.

Since my birthday fell on a Tuesday, it didn’t make a lot of sense to go out and do something, especially considering I had a midterm the next day. We decided to wait for the weekend, and chose to go to Amsterdam to “celebrate”. Granted, I still didn’t blow out any candles or make any wishes, but I suppose it was pretty cool to think that we could take a trip to another country in honor of my birthday. Regardless of the reason for our visit, Amsterdam provided us with a good time. It’s such an interesting city, which I wasn’t expecting. I realized I had never seen pictures of Amsterdam before, and I was surprised to find beauty in it. The calm canals we walked along provided a dynamic contrast with the bustling streets filled with bikes, buses, and people. The leaves are turning color as fall sweeps the continent, and the sun streamed through the cloud breaks. How this beautiful place is only associated with sex and drugs is curious, since there is so much more. We paid a visit to the Anne Frank House and the Van Gogh museum, and there were so many other museums we didn’t have time or money for. Amsterdam seems to be a city of indulgence and appreciation, and it’s up to tourists to decide how they want to balance what is offered. I saw people who didn’t balance it well, and I saw people who did. Amsterdam has something for everyone, and I was glad to find the things that were there for me.